I'll say this now. This is going to be very difficult to write. A part of me doesn't want to, but I need to so I can remember each and every detail before I forget. This is a post more for my own memories than anything else....and it's going to be very wordy.
When my mom told me my grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer, I was very surprised. She was such a healthy, active lady. (Never smoked a day in her life.) We all decided to go visit her- and consciously did it sooner than later. But when we got there, we were amazed. I mean, does this look like someone who is extremely sick?
She was just as beautiful as ever- and just as witty. When we first walked in, she was laying in bed. Ayla had just been to Madsen Donuts with Rhea, Jonathan and Dad. They let her taste just about every doughnut in the box. We told Grandma this. Later Grandma pointed to her feet. "Ayla, don't my feet look funny?" (They were dry and wrinkled, just as an old pair of feet should be.) But Ayla looked very concerned. "What happened?" she asked. Grandma looked at her and said in her most serious voice (but with a half smile on her face). "Well Ayla, I ate too many doughnuts!"
That's just the type of lady she was. Always smiling, and always looking for a way to make life just that much sweeter- and funnier. We spent a wonderful afternoon at Grandma and Grandpa's house for an early dinner and visited once again the next day before our flight home. Jonathan was our pilot- Rhea, the co-pilot.
The kids switched normal protocol. Ayla was the one who fell asleep while Lincoln was wide awake. He explored just about every inch of that tiny plane, even trying to push some fun-looking buttons up front.
We went home with smiles on our faces. It was a few weeks later that things really changed. A call came that prompted us to return to Ohio to see Grandma. I hopped a flight the next morning with the kids and we immediately went over to the hospital. I'll admit, I was worried about how Ayla would take it. She'd never been in a hospital (except to visit after I had Lincoln). She thought being "sick" just meant you had a cough and runny nose. I explained as best I could that Grandma was not feeling well and we needed to go cheer her up. I would have never been able to predict what happen in that hospital and it still melts my heart as I write this.
Ayla timidly walked into Grandma's room. After saying her hellos, Grandpa asked her if she wanted to come sit on the bed. With a smile she eagerly climbed up and sat right next to Grandma. She didn't ask about the oxygen tube in Grandma's nose or the IV connected to her arm. She did however ask about all the cool buttons on the bed. For the next fifteen minutes, asking Grandma which way she wanted to go, she pushed those up and down arrows. (Forgive the picture quality, I only had my phone.)
Around her some people were crying (myself included). Ayla is usually very in tune with how people are feeling- especially me. If she hears a baby crying at the park she always inquires about it. If she thinks I'm sad, she will sometimes even cry herself. But today it was as if everything were blocked out. She only saw and heard Grandma. She saw that she was sick and wanted to spend time with only her. At one point, she asked if she could lay next to Grandma and give her a hug.
They lay there for a long time. Sometimes talking, sometimes not. (The flower on the bed was something Ayla insisted on giving her.) They especially liked to talk about their favorite colors, pink and purple. A few times it was difficult to understand what Grandma was saying and Ayla asked if she was speaking Spanish- which just added a little humor to the sad group around us. When it was time to move Grandma to a new facility where hospice would come in, I used the time to take the kids to get some dinner. Ayla was upset. She didn't want to leave.
The next day we went to see Grandma again and a very similar scene was repeated. Hugs, flowers and smiles. I'm going to skip the rest of that afternoon and evening because it's not something I can just type out- or even want to. It was hard. We all said our goodbyes and Grandma knew she was surrounded by the people who loved her. The following morning Ayla asked if we could go see Grandma again. We talked about heaven and God and angels. The whole family came over for dinner and once again I saw Ayla focus on who needed love the most. Grandpa. She climbed right up on his lap and together they ate dinner and talked.
I truly believe God was working through a child those few days. I know my daughter and I know what she's like around people. She can be very shy, especially if she doesn't see them very often. I also know she loves Grandma and Grandpa- but that weekend it was different. It was God's love. He knew Grandma needed a child's laughter, conversation and hugs. He knew Grandpa needed comforted and (slightly) distracted from his grief when he lost the love of his life. Doesn't God work in mysterious ways?
My grandmother was an amazing woman. It was she who inspired me to teach. It was her love of books and reading that leads me into our public library each week so Ayla, Lincoln and I can pick out new stories to read together. Rhea and I decided to write a children's book in honor of Grandma and read it at the funeral. It was something that would normally terrify me. Talking. In front of all those people. Again, I felt God's peace and presence that day. We celebrated Grandma's life that day, just like she wanted, not with sad music and melancholy moods, but with funny stories and upbeat hymns. She wanted us to rejoice that she had joined her King. This is why I write this- to remind myself when I start feeling sad- that she is dancing and smiling- and that I should should enjoy and cherish my family the same way she enjoyed hers.
